My Son the Stranger

Posted on 18th June 2016 in Fun with my son, News, site



I am the father of a wonderful 7 yr. old son. When we walk down the street people say “that’s your mini you” or No DNA test needed.  He is a mini me, in a lot of his mannerisms, the way he sucks on his bottom lip, to the arch in his left eyebrow even the same blood type.  I know he likes The Ninja Turtles, and a lot of normal kids’ stuff, but when he said the he likes Dr. Who, that took me for a loop!

But do I really know him?

When we are together, we talk about what’s going on at school, what he has done since the last time we were together. What has he learned? How his friends are and are there any new ones? When I ask him about home, the answers are very short and quick. He does not dwell on that subject long.  While we sit and watch TV in the evening, he uses me as a “daddy pillow” he’ will grab my arm and put it around him and hold it.  When its bed time and I put him in his bed and then I go to mine, he’ll go “why are you sleeping over there?”   Some mornings when I wake up there is a body or a head on my chest. That puts a smile on my face.

But do I really know him?

I try to get him to open up, let me know what’s on his mind. But he is confused; see he keeps getting a lot of miss information about me. He is being told that “I’m a bad person” I don’t have any friends” I don’t pay child support”.  “I’m a loudmouth and don’t care about anyone but himself” but the biggest one is “your daddy left us because he is a mean person”.  He is told that a lot. And I can see the confusion. One day we were having a conversation and this is what he told me.

SON: Daddy, I get sad in school a lot.

ME: Why? Tell me what’s going on?

SON: Mommy and Nanna talk bad about you

ME: Tell me one thing that they tell you?

SON: That you are a ugly and mean person and that you are the cause of all this

ME: Now what do you think about that?

SON: I know it’s not true but they keep saying it all the time, and when I think about it, I get sad”

I was arrested at his school on his first day of kindergarten a couple of years ago.  Yes he witnessed me getting frisked and the cuffs being put on.  When I was released, and we got together, he would not let me go, I could not go to the store to the bathroom without him clinging on to me. His reasoning was “he did not want to let go because I might get arrested again.

There was a time before he was 1 I did not see my son for about 7 months, not of my doing.  When we did get together afterwards, I got the biggest smile. Whatever discussion or person I was supposed to be listening to was gone out of my head. I was focused on him and that smile. Whenever I’m down or really mad, I think back to that smile, and I’m calm again.  Lately when we are together he has drawings about what we do when we are together, my cubicle is lined up.  Yes we get along, we have fun, and yes there are the times that he get mad at me because I’m being a father and not his buddy.

So why would I say my son is a stranger to me? I only spend 4 days a month with my son.  I have shared legal custody. Yet the courts say that I am only a father 4 days a month.  I pay $600 a month in child support, yet I’m called a dead beat dad because I asked for a reduction. I pay $196 dollars in medical insurance a month, yet I don’t even get a doctor’s report on him, yet my son tells me “you don’t care if I get sick” I let the school know that I have shared legal custody, yet when I ask for information or a conference I’m told “we gave all that information to his mother”

It is really disheartening to have some say “yes you are the father, but we don’t recognize you as your son’s father”.

So if my son is a stranger to me, I can only imagine what I am to him.

That one thing

Posted on 12th May 2014 in Fun with my son

In the middle of a new work schedule, could not post until the weekend.



Off to explore

Off to explore

Saturday was the Science Fair on the parkway, so we skipped breakfast and headed straight there. We were going to hook up with his buddy and his family. We started off with the bees and they had a section of the hive with live bees. All the kids flocked around that. There was a bowel of dead bees and the person behind the table was handing them out. Ajani did not want one first, but I put a few in my hand showed him it was ok and then he had them in his hand. We walked around exploring the different tables. Some of them there were a lot of children and he was trying to see what was going on. It reminded me of the beginning of Monsters University when little Mike was in the scare room.



lets save the bees

lets save the bees



We spent all day till it closed down and we went to his friends house and finished off the day the playing.



wish this race would start

wish this race would start


Sunday our routine is get some munchkins get my transpass and we each get a treat. Ajani usually get a toy, I get something edible.

At toys r us after careful haggling we settled on a Lego toy LegoMovie Melting Room Set 70801

one of many that I will be buying

one of many that I will be buying


There is another one that we saw, I told him that daddy is waiting on a letter, once that comes we will get that. He understood and was happy with this one. As we were leaving the gallery, got his bag of popcorn and I got a Cinabon. ON the train we were discussing the merits of what were eating and giving reasons why the others were not good.

While we were walking to his uncle’s house, he saw some flowers and wanted to get some and give to his cousin Veronica. She was surprised. He also surprised her again later on. We sitting on the sofa and she went to the kitchen. Ajani got up and stood by the door, when she came through he jumped out and her bowel of food went in the air.
On the way home, he kept asking Am I going to put it together? YES, for the thousandth time!

After dinner I started to put it together. You got to hand it to Lego, you buy a toy that YOU have to put together and can’t really play with it. Took about 45 minutes in between Are you done yet?? Evan would have been done by now. The Evan reference is to Evantube HD . Has his own YouTube channel where he reviews toys and does time lapse builds.

While I am drying him off after his bath, I hugged him patted him on his back kissed him on his forehead and I said I love you. He then hugged me, patted me on my back, grabbed my head kissed my forehead and said I love you too daddy. It’s those moments that make the fight so much more worth it



Daddy , that’s not metal!

Posted on 24th April 2014 in Fun with my son

Yes it’s been a while since I posted up anything. (Had some issues to get out of the way) Well Sat he was waiting at the door which seems to be the norm now. Before he would sit with handler 1, but for the past few times he has been at the door waiting for me. A few things I have noticed at the pick up. 1) Handler 2 stays in the car 2) when we are leaving, they usually say things like “have a good time, love you, and stuff like that” he just ignores them and we have our conversation. He doesn’t even look in their direction.  Last time we were together, he broke is tablet, so this week his first words were “did you get my tablet” I explained that I did not get the paperwork yet. I then proceeded to explain the process of returns On to breakfast!


Best Meal of the day

We usually go down town and walk around, but I want to stop by the phone store and check out a new phone. So I asked him, Can daddy go to the phone store? Yes, can we go to toys r us?  Making deals already so we headed to the phone store. To keep him occupied in the store I put on some music for him and he listed till we go to toys r us which is about 6 blocks away. I was checking the playlist; there are certain songs that he can’t hear now. All was good, he was bobbing his head, and I thought I saw a little air guitar.

CAM00052 (1)

Mario Duplantier is a pretty good drummer



this is what he is listing to at the moment the picture was taken

  We went and picked up his buddy and headed down town to some children’s activities that I read about on the parkway. We walked up the parkway and there was NOTHING!!! Not a thing. Well those plans were squashed. So we walked around down town. They developed a game, “the next (fill in the blank) I see, I’m going to freak out” First I was the trees blooming, then it was motorcycles, then it was white cars, and ended up with a bus. We arrived at McDonalds, because they were giving   Skylander Giants  in the happy meals. After Lunch we headed to the playground, let them burn off some more energy. Sunday I had to get the paper work to send his tablet back and that was over his uncles. On the bus ride he said “daddy I want to listen to some metal” I was more than happy to oblige.  I set up the phone and handed him the phone. “That’s not metal” I looked at the phone it was playing RAGE AGAINST  THE MACHINE, so he changed the song , which I never showed him how to do that, he kept going through the play list ,he would listen to the song for about a minute and say that’s not metal. Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Rage, and a few others were not metal in his ears. He found A LIFE ONCE LOST and yelled on the bus that’s metal daddy!! The song was VULTURE


He listen to the whole Hunter album twice and fell in love with A Life Once lost his favorite songs are Vulture and With Pitiless Blows.  It was a treat watching him move his lips like he knew the words.


    One thing I did observe was that the music that was basic 3 cord stuff, he did not like. The stuff that was different time signatures, and kick ass drummers, like Gojira ,Messugah , Through the eyes of the Dead and Slayer he loves that. We spent the rest of the day at his buddies’ house eating and playing. Monday I drop him off at daycare and we have quite a journey. We always stop a Dunkin Doughnuts to get some munchkins and chocolate milk. On the train he asked can he hear that song, which one I asked. The guy say “I will hunt you” actually the lyric is “ I will haunt you till the day you die”  but I know what he was talking about  he listen to that song and only that song for the whole bus ride to his school. When he got there, he asked can he show his teacher. So there he was showing his teacher the album cover and said I like this song, His teacher read what is said, A LIFE ONCE LOST,HUNTER she asked him Do you like rock and roll. He said yes.   220px-Hunter_album


Posted on 16th July 2012 in Fun with my son


As usual I was greeted with a “hello daddy” and a leg hug. The conversation was the usual what he did in school and what he did last week. He asked for the batman movie (not the new one!) and I informed him that I had 3 new movies on my phone. With all the movies that I have on it the one movie that he asked for I did not have, happy feet 2. He settled on an Alvin and the Chipmunks batman or batmunk video. We made our little walk around down town and ended up at his favorite store. He asked “is my favorite store open? I said “take a look”.  He turned and got real happy. “My favorite store, my favorite store” he shouted jumping up and down. We rode the galley elevator to the third floor and I let him lead the way. He knows the store because we wound up in the toy section. We walked around that small section about 6 times. He was looking for something specific, but did not find it.” I want to go to Wal-mart” So we headed to Kmart. Once again he was meticulous in his toy choice.  While in the store, I found a Darth Vader mask. I said “Ajani I am your father”



He was looking for Jungle Junction; I’ve seen it a few times, good show.  With the toys in hand we went to the cashier. He said “I want to buy this”.  She scanned it and told him how much. He reached in his pocket and handed her “money” she said, “sorry we don’t take invisible money” he looked at me.

Walking to his uncle’s house we came to a corner. Ajani was on my shoulders and I asked him “what do we do at street corners?” He said “left, right” and I added left to cover our butts. I asked him again, this time he moved my head as he said it. I was impressed.

He wanted to play Mario Cart with his cousin, so that’s what he did while I ran to the store. When I came back with the drinks, Ajani was already at the table ready to eat. He enjoyed some chicken lo Mein, sesame chicken, and shrimp fried rice. I showed him how to wrap the lo Mein noodles on the fork; he got a kick out of that.


a wonderful day

Posted on 11th July 2012 in Fun with my son


Sunday’s visit was just perfect. Ajani was active and talkative. No major highlights, just a wonderful day with my son.

down low, too slow

Posted on 14th June 2012 in Fun with my son

While we were walking towards the train, he asked for daddy express, I told him that he’s getting too big for that. I asked him”what your legs are broken?” he said yes. I then said “well I guess we’ll have to camp out here till they get better”. So he stopped walking and just stood there, arms crossed looking at me. We stood there for about 5 minutes, finally he moved. Then he asked for daddy express again.  “Ok we have to come to some agreement. You walk one block, daddy express the next.” He agreed to that, so you can guess what happened when it came time to hold up his end. This time he held out for 20 minutes. During that time I explained the concept of making an agreement and sticking to it.

He mentioned that he was hungry so we headed towards Mc Donald’s. Breakfast had just stopped, so while we were waiting, he started to act up. Running around the food court, just being a child. We got our food, Ajani still running around. I grabbed him and sat down.  I was getting the food ready when he grabbed the fries and threw them on the floor and flashed “that smile”. I put him in a time out, he ran away, did that about 3 times. He then asked for a toy.

“After what you did this morning, do you think you deserve a toy?” He said No

“What did you do that you do?’ he said not listen.

“Can we go to Kmart?” he then asked. I said sure but you’re not getting a toy.

I let him lead the way and sure enough we arrived at the toy department. He walked up and down carefully looking over all the toys. He picked one out. I then reminded him of our earlier conversation. “I’m mad at you” he managed to get out through the crying. I said

“And that’s not going to be the last time; I would not be doing my job correctly if you’re not mad at me during the course of your life.”

There is something about the train ride that knocks him out. And like clockwork, he woke up as soon as we arrived at my brothers.  He acted up while we there and spent a good portion of the day in time out.

The highlight of the day was this: my brother usually greets him with a “give me five up high, down low (then he would move his hands) ahh to slow” This time Ajani said all of that to him.

 It is really fascinating to see him learning and picking up on life.



Posted on 3rd June 2012 in Fun with my son




The past two weeks Ajani was sick. Last week he had the chicken pox.  It was great to see him. He walked through the doors and said “Daddy” and we gave each other big hugs.  As we were walking down the street, we talked about how he spent the last week. I told him that I missed him and that I’m glad that he is all better.

He then said “daddy you have to buy me diesel 10”

Why, what happened to the one that I brought you?

He said he lost it in his room. I then went in the a brief explanation about responsibility.  He asked for daddy express and his Fisher Price Computer. That’s how we walked to the El. Talking and playing his game. On the train we sat near a poster that had a bunch of letters. I would point to the letter and he would say it. We did this till he fell asleep on my shoulder. I carried him from the train about 5 blocks, dead asleep the whole way. As soon as I arrive at my brother’s house and laid him down, for about all of 30 seconds, he woke up. And he was 100% better. The last time everyone saw him, all he did lay on my shoulder and sleep. Not today, he was all over the place and we all enjoyed it. He got carried away a few times and we had to spend a few time outs but all in all it was good to see him active. And eating!!

While we were heading back he asked me again about Diesel 10. Once again I asked him what happened to the one I brought him.

He told me the answer.  He said “mommy got mad at me and threw it away”.


recorded at the train station on the way home



Sick Day

Posted on 22nd May 2012 in Fun with my son


Down for the count



As soon as he saw me he said ‘Daddy I’m sick” I scooped him up and we were off. He was sick, and if Roslyn were in contact with me, as per the court order, he would not have been out. I carried him to the bus; all he wanted to do was lay on my shoulder and rest. We went out to my brothers and that’s what we did. He did not want anything to eat and drank very little.



Posted on 30th April 2012 in Fun with my son

taste like chicken


What is becoming the norm, as soon as he saw me he said can we leave?  I was happy to do that. We hit our breakfast spot. We will finish The Muppet movie eventually, but for now 10 min of the movie at breakfast will have to do. Even though he said he had eaten breakfast, he ate 2 full-sized pancakes.

After making a pit stop, we or I should say Ajani decided that we should go to Chucky Cheese. On the way to the bus he mentioned that he wanted some cheese puffs. Inside the store I picked up the regular kind. He said “no I want those” pointing to the honey cheese flavor. I opened the bag, handed it to him. He said it “it taste like chicken” and we laughed about that. Then he turned that bag around, pointed at a word and said “honey” I was like “WOW” I then congratulated him on reading.

He took a nap on the bus and woke up when we arrived. I told him before we entered that there are rules. First: when I say we have to get off a game we will, no crying. Second be nice, and no pushing. If you break any rule, we leave. He said he understood. Inside we went.

I must say, he behaved and stuck to the rules. We played, we danced, we had pizza and played some more.

The day that should not have been

Posted on 11th April 2012 in Fun with my son


Ajani and Lighting McQueeen

Last week I decided to let Ajani spend Easter with his mother and his grand dad. Since I never got a response to the text, I showed up.  When I arrived at the pick up, I was greeted with “daddy, daddy’ and a monster leg hug. Next thing he said was” I want to leave” which we did.  We had to go get my bag of goodies. On the ride there, I asked him this:

“hey buddy, thought you wanted to spend Easter with poppop and mommy”

He said yes but I wanted to spend the day with you.

That made all the stuff I’m going through worth it. He never ceases to amaze me.

 Nothing was planed and I was low on funds, so we headed out to his uncles. We enjoyed some popcorn and he fell asleep on the way.

As usual he woke up as soon as I got there. I went to get his lunch and this is what I was greeted with



On the way to the drop off,he asked me the usual questions, but he hit me with another one; Daddy are you going to leave me?

Never, I told him, I’m not going anywhere, I’ve been here since the beging and will be here till the end.

At the drop off I was walking out the door, he called back “Daddy give me a hug, which I gave him. as I was putting him down he said Daddy give me a kiss and he got that plus a big ol’ rasberry


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