My Son the Stranger

Posted on 18th June 2016 in Fun with my son, News, site

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I am the father of a wonderful 7 yr. old son. When we walk down the street people say “that’s your mini you” or No DNA test needed.  He is a mini me, in a lot of his mannerisms, the way he sucks on his bottom lip, to the arch in his left eyebrow even the same blood type.  I know he likes The Ninja Turtles, and a lot of normal kids’ stuff, but when he said the he likes Dr. Who, that took me for a loop!

But do I really know him?

When we are together, we talk about what’s going on at school, what he has done since the last time we were together. What has he learned? How his friends are and are there any new ones? When I ask him about home, the answers are very short and quick. He does not dwell on that subject long.  While we sit and watch TV in the evening, he uses me as a “daddy pillow” he’ will grab my arm and put it around him and hold it.  When its bed time and I put him in his bed and then I go to mine, he’ll go “why are you sleeping over there?”   Some mornings when I wake up there is a body or a head on my chest. That puts a smile on my face.

But do I really know him?

I try to get him to open up, let me know what’s on his mind. But he is confused; see he keeps getting a lot of miss information about me. He is being told that “I’m a bad person” I don’t have any friends” I don’t pay child support”.  “I’m a loudmouth and don’t care about anyone but himself” but the biggest one is “your daddy left us because he is a mean person”.  He is told that a lot. And I can see the confusion. One day we were having a conversation and this is what he told me.

SON: Daddy, I get sad in school a lot.

ME: Why? Tell me what’s going on?

SON: Mommy and Nanna talk bad about you

ME: Tell me one thing that they tell you?

SON: That you are a ugly and mean person and that you are the cause of all this

ME: Now what do you think about that?

SON: I know it’s not true but they keep saying it all the time, and when I think about it, I get sad”

I was arrested at his school on his first day of kindergarten a couple of years ago.  Yes he witnessed me getting frisked and the cuffs being put on.  When I was released, and we got together, he would not let me go, I could not go to the store to the bathroom without him clinging on to me. His reasoning was “he did not want to let go because I might get arrested again.

There was a time before he was 1 I did not see my son for about 7 months, not of my doing.  When we did get together afterwards, I got the biggest smile. Whatever discussion or person I was supposed to be listening to was gone out of my head. I was focused on him and that smile. Whenever I’m down or really mad, I think back to that smile, and I’m calm again.  Lately when we are together he has drawings about what we do when we are together, my cubicle is lined up.  Yes we get along, we have fun, and yes there are the times that he get mad at me because I’m being a father and not his buddy.

So why would I say my son is a stranger to me? I only spend 4 days a month with my son.  I have shared legal custody. Yet the courts say that I am only a father 4 days a month.  I pay $600 a month in child support, yet I’m called a dead beat dad because I asked for a reduction. I pay $196 dollars in medical insurance a month, yet I don’t even get a doctor’s report on him, yet my son tells me “you don’t care if I get sick” I let the school know that I have shared legal custody, yet when I ask for information or a conference I’m told “we gave all that information to his mother”

It is really disheartening to have some say “yes you are the father, but we don’t recognize you as your son’s father”.

So if my son is a stranger to me, I can only imagine what I am to him.

That one thing

Posted on 12th May 2014 in Fun with my son

In the middle of a new work schedule, could not post until the weekend.

 

 

Off to explore

Off to explore

Saturday was the Science Fair on the parkway, so we skipped breakfast and headed straight there. We were going to hook up with his buddy and his family. We started off with the bees and they had a section of the hive with live bees. All the kids flocked around that. There was a bowel of dead bees and the person behind the table was handing them out. Ajani did not want one first, but I put a few in my hand showed him it was ok and then he had them in his hand. We walked around exploring the different tables. Some of them there were a lot of children and he was trying to see what was going on. It reminded me of the beginning of Monsters University when little Mike was in the scare room.

 

 

lets save the bees

lets save the bees

 

 

We spent all day till it closed down and we went to his friends house and finished off the day the playing.

 

 

wish this race would start

wish this race would start

 

Sunday our routine is get some munchkins get my transpass and we each get a treat. Ajani usually get a toy, I get something edible.

At toys r us after careful haggling we settled on a Lego toy LegoMovie Melting Room Set 70801

one of many that I will be buying

one of many that I will be buying

 

There is another one that we saw, I told him that daddy is waiting on a letter, once that comes we will get that. He understood and was happy with this one. As we were leaving the gallery, got his bag of popcorn and I got a Cinabon. ON the train we were discussing the merits of what were eating and giving reasons why the others were not good.

While we were walking to his uncle’s house, he saw some flowers and wanted to get some and give to his cousin Veronica. She was surprised. He also surprised her again later on. We sitting on the sofa and she went to the kitchen. Ajani got up and stood by the door, when she came through he jumped out and her bowel of food went in the air.
On the way home, he kept asking Am I going to put it together? YES, for the thousandth time!

After dinner I started to put it together. You got to hand it to Lego, you buy a toy that YOU have to put together and can’t really play with it. Took about 45 minutes in between Are you done yet?? Evan would have been done by now. The Evan reference is to Evantube HD . Has his own YouTube channel where he reviews toys and does time lapse builds.

While I am drying him off after his bath, I hugged him patted him on his back kissed him on his forehead and I said I love you. He then hugged me, patted me on my back, grabbed my head kissed my forehead and said I love you too daddy. It’s those moments that make the fight so much more worth it

 

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Daddy , that’s not metal!

Posted on 24th April 2014 in Fun with my son

Yes it’s been a while since I posted up anything. (Had some issues to get out of the way) Well Sat he was waiting at the door which seems to be the norm now. Before he would sit with handler 1, but for the past few times he has been at the door waiting for me. A few things I have noticed at the pick up. 1) Handler 2 stays in the car 2) when we are leaving, they usually say things like “have a good time, love you, and stuff like that” he just ignores them and we have our conversation. He doesn’t even look in their direction.  Last time we were together, he broke is tablet, so this week his first words were “did you get my tablet” I explained that I did not get the paperwork yet. I then proceeded to explain the process of returns On to breakfast!

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Best Meal of the day

We usually go down town and walk around, but I want to stop by the phone store and check out a new phone. So I asked him, Can daddy go to the phone store? Yes, can we go to toys r us?  Making deals already so we headed to the phone store. To keep him occupied in the store I put on some music for him and he listed till we go to toys r us which is about 6 blocks away. I was checking the playlist; there are certain songs that he can’t hear now. All was good, he was bobbing his head, and I thought I saw a little air guitar.

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Mario Duplantier is a pretty good drummer

 

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this is what he is listing to at the moment the picture was taken

  We went and picked up his buddy and headed down town to some children’s activities that I read about on the parkway. We walked up the parkway and there was NOTHING!!! Not a thing. Well those plans were squashed. So we walked around down town. They developed a game, “the next (fill in the blank) I see, I’m going to freak out” First I was the trees blooming, then it was motorcycles, then it was white cars, and ended up with a bus. We arrived at McDonalds, because they were giving   Skylander Giants  in the happy meals. After Lunch we headed to the playground, let them burn off some more energy. Sunday I had to get the paper work to send his tablet back and that was over his uncles. On the bus ride he said “daddy I want to listen to some metal” I was more than happy to oblige.  I set up the phone and handed him the phone. “That’s not metal” I looked at the phone it was playing RAGE AGAINST  THE MACHINE, so he changed the song , which I never showed him how to do that, he kept going through the play list ,he would listen to the song for about a minute and say that’s not metal. Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Rage, and a few others were not metal in his ears. He found A LIFE ONCE LOST and yelled on the bus that’s metal daddy!! The song was VULTURE

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He listen to the whole Hunter album twice and fell in love with A Life Once lost his favorite songs are Vulture and With Pitiless Blows.  It was a treat watching him move his lips like he knew the words.

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    One thing I did observe was that the music that was basic 3 cord stuff, he did not like. The stuff that was different time signatures, and kick ass drummers, like Gojira ,Messugah , Through the eyes of the Dead and Slayer he loves that. We spent the rest of the day at his buddies’ house eating and playing. Monday I drop him off at daycare and we have quite a journey. We always stop a Dunkin Doughnuts to get some munchkins and chocolate milk. On the train he asked can he hear that song, which one I asked. The guy say “I will hunt you” actually the lyric is “ I will haunt you till the day you die”  but I know what he was talking about  he listen to that song and only that song for the whole bus ride to his school. When he got there, he asked can he show his teacher. So there he was showing his teacher the album cover and said I like this song, His teacher read what is said, A LIFE ONCE LOST,HUNTER she asked him Do you like rock and roll. He said yes.   220px-Hunter_album